Some of you are probably going to harp on me about how wrong this is, but it’s worth it! And, be honest with yourself, you think it’s at least a little bit funny.. you do.
Zimbio.com is offering the Balloon Boy costume just in time for Halloween! It comes with a balloon, a box and a “Falcon” name tag. Funniest shit EVER!
Why can’t I think of these things? Seriously!! This is one of those, Not Fair moments! I’m going to go stomp my feet and hate myself for not being creative enough…
Tig
Since you probably didn’t even realize that you were watching a movie trailer, I’ll tell you it’s for Meg Ryan’s new flick Serious Moonlight. I don’t blame you for missing that, since you were probably just hypnotized by the huge lips stuck to Meg’s semi-gloss, clay face.
When did that become the look?? Why do women think this is sexy? Earth to Meg -- you might think you look 15 years younger, but you’re still playing the old wife that’s being replaced by the YOUNG, fresh mistress.
You don’t look younger, you look… well, creepy! I’m afraid of you now, is that what you were going for Hunny? Cuz, that’s what ya got! We could almost forgive the lips but then you had to go and throw in the stretch/plump combo on the forehead. *tisk tisk*
I had to watch the trailer like 7 times before I could get through the entire thing without being mind-crippled by her plasticine face. But the movie doesn’t even look funny. It just looks like Meg is playing herself, old and desperate to stay relevant. And we don’t even get the cute Meg we love - instead we get this animatronic version, like Meg 3.0!
At least Kristen Bell looks cute.
Tig
Back in 1958, Elvis Presley joined the military and sat down in the barber’s chair, like so many other would be soldiers, and said good bye to his lovely locks. Well, some totally creepy, but undeniably intelligent individual picked up the clump that fell to the floor and has auctioned it off in Chicago. How much did it fetch??
$18,300!!! Crazy right?!
At the same auction, that included roughly 200 items, one of Presley’s monogrammed, cream, cotton shirts went for $62,800 when it was only expected to bring in $2000-$4000.
I get the shirt – I really do. That can go into a frame and be hung on the wall to admire. But the hair?! What the hell are you going to do with a pile of nasty 50-year-old hair?!?! I have visions of some 50-something widower gluing it to his head before grabbing a bottle of Wild Turkey and heading out to “make an impression” on the ladies of the trailer court.
I’m so grossed out right now!
Tig
Star Magazine is reporting that a source close to Tori has revealed that she weighs a scary 95 lbs. When Tori saw this she was quick to set the record straight by announcing her REAL weight. She weighs 107! Get it the fuck right people! Tori is SO tired of people telling her to gain weight, you know the saying – You can never be too rich or too thin! And since we all know how well the rich thing is going for her these days, well that just leaves the SKINNY!
She took to Twitter to defend her tiny frame -
“Star Mag… LIES. Litterally, not 1 factual thing in entire article. And, come to my house&weigh me Star! I’m 107lbs. if you care about FACTS?!”
I know what your thinking, 107 lbs is much healthier for a woman that stands at 5′6.
A “healthy” weight for 5′6 is between 118 and 155 lbs. If you buy into the whole BMI theory, that is. And Tori is WAY off the mark – in the “too skinny to be considered healthy” category.
I love Tori – but the girl needs a sandwich and a milkshake STAT!
Tig
So yeah, sorry Tori. By your own confession, you’re too damn skiny!
Doing what any loving, concerned, well meaning parent would do, Michael Lohan took to the tabloids to express his worry about Lindsay’s pill addiction. I know, when he’s wearing that shirt up there, it’s kinda hard to believe he would say or do something stupid right?!
Well, he blabbed the following to Radar -
“I’m going to get her off the prescription drugs that she’s on. I hate it when people talk about illegal drug abuse… because it’s not just drinking and illegal drugs that kill you. Prescription drugs can destroy and kill a person and are sometimes harder to stop. Look at Heath Ledger and Michael Jackson.“
He went on to explain, without ever mentioning what pills she is addicted to, of course -
”You know why Lindsay’s not acting in feature films right now? Because she can’t. Because the girl with all the talent is hidden and buried deep inside this fungus that’s grown because of the prescription drugs. She can’t be herself. When you hug her she’s like, vacant inside. When she kisses or holds me I get chills, and not in a good way-in a bad way. She’s a different person. I was out there for a week when she was living at the Sunset Marquis Hotel and I would sit there and cry. It was horrible. This was not the kid I raised. “
He then goes on to say that those handling Lindsay are on the same level as the doctors that “killed” Michael Jackson and Heath Ledger. I’m thinking that most doctors don’t prescribe 8-balls of blow – but that’s just down here in Realityland!
By the way, isn’t it sad that he has to mention big name stars with real talent to gain attention for his now d-list daughter’s drug addiction?!?!
The entire family is pathetic!
Tig
Aren’t you excited? I think the guy in the picture above is!!
Yep – you’ve been waiting for it (haven’t you?), and it’s almost here – the Naked Hiking Trail! 11 unclothed miles of trails will open up for those looking to get blisters on more then just their feet! (could you imagine the rub of backpack straps on yer naked parts?? OUCH!)
Besides, is that really something that should be open to the public? I’ve been hiking (against my will – trying to impress a guy in high school) and we didn’t really run into that many people I would have wanted to see in the buff. Mostly older gentlemen, with pot-bellies and beards and tie dyed bandannas. Umm no thanks!
Anyway – the owner of a near by camp ground came up with the idea and has been struggling to see it come to life, but his wait is nearly over!
And if you’re not interested in naked hiking (how could you NOT be?!) Just heed the posted warnings!
“If you don’t want to see people with nothing on then you should refrain from moving on!”
I think my dad has that on a bumper sticker…
Germans crack me right up!!
Tig
This is our first installment of Fashion Abuse and I have decided to dedicate it to Ass cracks and one SERIOUS power mullet! You’re Welcome 
As for the picture above… just a guess.. she’s hunting for the keys that he’s hidden in his foot long ass crack/hot pocket ~ revenge for reminding him about his “diet” while he was zeroing in on the deep fried Twinkies vendor.
I just have one question…. If he can’t remember to pull up his pants, should he really be trusted to check his own equipment?? The inability to cinch a belt around his waist makes me immediately question his ability to secure a safety harness.. I mean, he is about to jump off a mountain.. just sayin….
I told you it was serious! Didn’t I tell you??
I have to admire to level of commitment involved in this entire family’s “look”. Not only did they obviously coordinate, opting with black on black with turquoise accents for everyone, but Dad added the Skull zip up hoodie to drive the “Bad Ass Family” image all the way home. WOW. And the hair on Mom, it transports me back to the sunset strip circa 1987 – that golden era that was fueled by the mullet, leather chaps, ripped acid wash and Aqua Net… just beautiful.. well done!!
Do YOU have a Fashion Abuse/What Are You Wearing?/Do You Own a Mirror? etc type pictures to share? We really want them!! Send them to us at www.celebsolicit@yahoo.com
Tig
How is a naked gran-mammy in a bad wig and too much mascara going to help end hate?!
Just looking at this picture makes me want to hurt someone, NOT the gays, of course – but the person that keeps telling her she is relevant would do! Seriously – tardy for the party and for catching a clue apparently!
Here is Kim “the BIG WIG” Zolciak breaking down barriers with her silicone sweetmeat balls.
It just hurts – a lot- I need bleach for my eyes! STAT
I can’t bitch about the cause though – so to learn more about the NOH8 campaign click HERE
Tig
