Posts Tagged ‘Funny Shit’

Soccer Is WAY More Hardcore Than I Thought!

Friday, November 6th, 2009

This bitch is a bad ass!!

Seriously, I never knew that soccer players were so damn violent! Sheesh girl, calm down! It’s just a game! I mean, this shit is funner to watch than girl fights on YouTube! She means business!!

And my daughter wants me to let her play this crazy ass game -- yeah right.. there is no way my sweet little angel princess is stepping on the field with loonies like this!

But really -- I can see why the sport is gaining in poularity, I mean, where else can a guy go watch chiks knock each other down and pull each other’s hair without getting slapped by his wife?!

It’s kinda hot -- I have to admit it.

Tig

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Lily Allen Says The Best Sh*t!!!

Thursday, October 29th, 2009

LilyAllen1

A couple of months ago my love for Lily was slightly deminished when she posed topless. I’ve never been a fan of that form of “self expression.”  Besides, we had already seen her titty ca-ca’s about 327 times anyway!

This morning though, I found this quote on INO, and my love for her has returned! I don’t know when she said it or why – but this is great.

“Why the hell would you give up booze? No drinking till Christmas, yeah right! Drink and Class A drugs – that’s what life’s all about!”

Hahahahaha she kills me!

Good morning everyone!! Here’s hoping you’re day is full of  “what life’s about!”

Tig

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Hailey Glassman Needs To Catch A Clue

Wednesday, October 28th, 2009

Hayley Glassman, Jon Gosselin

Hahahahahahaha –

Sorry, but I find this terribly amusing for some reason.
Hailey Glassman, (you know, the 22-year-old that Jon Gosselin left his wife and 8 children for) – is already crying to the tabloids about how crappy life with Jon can be. I guess that dreamboat of a man is more of a sweaty nightmare.

Hailey tells The Insider – “We’re at a point now where I don’t know why I love him, He’ll call me and take his anger out on me. He has ‘mantrums.’ I shouldn’t have to put up with being emotionally abused. I cry and say, ‘Why are you so mean to me?’ He takes it out on me.”

Didn’t she watch the show?! I’ll give you a little advice, ok?!

Jon doesn’t work well without a mommy figure around to keep him in line. All you need to do is explain that he can’t do anything right while rolling your eyes and talking shit about his hair plugs as you walk away. He will crumble into a quivering heap at your feet and you will be free of the crybaby crap!

Hailey also said that she is ready for her name to be forgotten so she can go live a happy normal life.

Seriously though – you aren’t supposed to be happy Hailey – you were fucking a married man with a house FULL of babies. And you did it in front of the American public.. Good luck babe.

Tig

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What Could Have Been – The Rosie and Angelina Story

Wednesday, October 28th, 2009

Angelina-Rosie

Isn’t Rosie stunning?!?! You MUST rent Exit To Eden – if you’ve done something terrible and deserve to be punished! You’ll get Rosie in that outfit for like 10 full minutes! And trust me, even if she is KINDA pulling it off in that picture, once you add her Bronx-accented, lawnmower of a voice… OUCH

Anyway – Rosie went on the air with Howard Stern a couple of days ago and said a few interesting things. After admitting that she has split with her long time partner Kelli, she went on to discuss her “almost affair” with Angelina.

“She gave me her phone number,” she says.

“We talked on the phone two or three times, but that was that . . .There was a tentative plan to have dinner that never came through – I was a little afraid of her. She’s scary in a sexual kind of way. I have dreams about her a lot still.”

Can’t you just see it?!

We all now that Angie has had some love for the ladies, so this could totally be true – but I have my doubts - only because Rosie has always been a big girl, and Angie isn’t down with the round. I think it’s great that Rosie admits to being afraid of her though, I always kinda saw Rosie as fearless – so that’s pretty funny.

Talking about her own love life wasn’t enough to keep people interested so she went on to discuss how gay Oprah is. Yep – Rosie is convinced that Oprah and Gayle are doin the dirty.

Of course, we already knew that.. So, yeah.

Tig

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A Lesson In Back Peddling With Bronson Pinchot

Friday, October 23rd, 2009

BronsonPinchot

This is so funny!

A few days ago Bronson Pinchot gave an interview with The Onion’s A.V. Club. During this fun little interview Bronson decided to let everyone know how he felt about a couple of his former co-stars.

According to Bronson, Tom Cruise is a serious homophobic – incapable of going 5 minutes without bringing up his dislike of the “happy” people. For some reason he felt like this was a harsh thing to say so he decided to release this comment yesterday to clarify-

“Coming straight out of the world of theater, as essentially all the supporting male actors did, where homophobic language was not heard, I remember thinking [Cruise's] use of it was remarkable and excessive – However, it is also true to say, in hindsight, that for a 20 year-old with no background in theater, such language is actually unremarkable. Which I did not know at 23.”

Way to say, “He was a homophobe – but it’s cool cuz he was just young” hahaha Too funny!! How is that better?!?!?!

 

In the original interview he also told us how awful it was to work with Denzel Washington. Telling the A.V. Club that Denzel was so terrible to work with that he considered quitting the movie because of the emotional abuse he endured. And this is his idea of AMMENDING his earlier comment –

“I regret my choice of words there,” Pinchot said. “[I] would like to amend my statement by saying I found his willingness to be ungenerous, unkind, knowingly hurtful both mentally and physically to myself and the crew to be the saddest misuse of stardom I have ever experienced or hope to experience.”

 

Ummm.. Bronson – that’s actually worse than what you said originally. But I LOVE it!

 

I think more stars should give back handed apologies, screw this PC “we all love each other” crap that publicist want them to say.


It’s WAY more fun!!

Tig

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And I Thought MY Grandpa Was Cool

Friday, October 23rd, 2009

EasyChairRider

.Dennis LeRoy was just out minding his own business, riding his race recliner when all hell broke loose.

It sounds like Dennis had a lady passenger on back when he decided to bust a few tricks. However, he underestimated the effect the passengers weight would have on the chair and he ended up throwing her to the ground and slamming into a parked car.

OOPS!

That’s when the Proctor Police Dept stepped in.

Poor Dennis was arrested for DUI and sent to the clink for his Lazy-Boy hi-jinks.

TMZ was able to get him on the phone, and when asked about the incident Dennis told them that he has mad wheelie skills, but he didn’t know how bad the extra weight would affect the trick.

This is just too damn funny.. you go guy!

Tig

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Hahahahaha Balloon Boy Halloween Costume!!

Wednesday, October 21st, 2009

Balloon-Boy-Halloween-Costume

Some of you are probably going to harp on me about how wrong this is, but it’s worth it! And, be honest with yourself, you think it’s at least a little bit funny.. you do.

Zimbio.com is offering the Balloon Boy costume just in time for Halloween! It comes with a balloon, a box and a “Falcon” name tag. Funniest shit EVER!

Why can’t I think of these things? Seriously!! This is one of those, Not Fair moments! I’m going to go stomp my feet and hate myself for not being creative enough…

Tig

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Dave Chappelle Should Have Held It

Wednesday, October 21st, 2009

dave chappelle

 

In 1980 Richard Pryor set the Comedy Endurance Record at the world famous Laugh Factory. He stood on stage and played to the crowd for 2 hours and 41 minutes.

It took 27 years for the original record to be broken. Starting a bit of a comedy feud, Dane Cook claimed the endurance record with a 3 hour and 50 minute set in 2007. Of course, not to be outdone, Dave Chappelle upped the record to 6 hours and 7 minutes. Dane retorted with a 7 hour and 34 minute set!!

On Sunday Dave set out to once again top Dane on the Laugh Factory stage but fell short when a trip to the pisser took precedence. I’m crushed! I was really pulling for Dave to break the record but it wasn’t meant to be. 5 hours in he couldn’t hold it any longer and left the stage to relieve himself.

As it stands, Dane Cook is still the record holder.

Tig

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Ummm Meg.. What Did You Do To Your Face Hunny??

Tuesday, October 20th, 2009

Since you probably didn’t even realize that you were watching a movie trailer, I’ll tell you it’s for Meg Ryan’s new flick Serious Moonlight. I don’t blame you for missing that, since you were probably just hypnotized by the huge lips stuck to Meg’s semi-gloss, clay face.

When did that become the look?? Why do women think this is sexy? Earth to Meg -- you might think you look 15 years younger, but you’re still playing the old wife that’s being replaced by the YOUNG, fresh mistress.

You don’t look younger, you look… well, creepy! I’m afraid of you now, is that what you were going for Hunny? Cuz, that’s what ya got! We could almost forgive the lips but then you had to go and throw in the stretch/plump combo on the forehead. *tisk tisk*

I had to watch the trailer like 7 times before I could get through the entire thing without being mind-crippled by her plasticine face. But the movie doesn’t even look funny. It just looks like Meg is playing herself, old and desperate to stay relevant. And we don’t even get the cute Meg we love - instead we get this animatronic version, like Meg 3.0!

At least Kristen Bell looks cute.

Tig

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Levi Pumps Up For Playgirl!

Friday, October 9th, 2009

 LeviJohnston

It’s a naked day!

3 hours a day, 6 days a week, Levi hits the gym to get fit for the pages (well, web pages, anyway) of Playgirl.com. That’s right, you’ve been dying to see it (um riiiight) and now your dreams are about to come true! First it was a rumor and now it’s a fact, he’s agreed to do it and he’s getting ready!! (If you HAVE to see him pumping iron head over to TMZ.com)

We can only hope he doesn’t pose with the baby this time.

If you live under a rock and have missed the fame ho making the circuit, Levi Johnston is Sarah Palin’s Grand-Baby daddy (isn’t that fun to say?!). And I’m sure she is just thrilled about this. It can only help her run for office in 2012 right?! Hahaha – Thank you Levi!

What a joke – good for you kid!! You’re doing the country a personal favor, and I consider you a true patriot! I can support anything that makes Sarah Palin look even more foolish!

Tig

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