Of course, I haven’t ever been one to feel that way – but we all know that some men out there do!

This could just be a cultural misunderstanding – We all know they do things a little different in Indiana. But I’m going to go ahead and shake my head at Donald Crawford anyway. It seems that he was SO compelled to take in some PBR and pole dancing that he decided to leave his 5-year-old son in the car while he did it.

How exactly do you think this went down? Did he leave the house planning on a trip to the titty bar? Or was he driving to the store to pick up a new Tonka truck for his boy when they passed a strip club and he was unable to resist the pull of steak and crabs?!

Anyway – after about 45 minutes of booze and boobs, Donald stepped outside and panicked when he couldn’t find his truck or his son. So, he did what any reasonable person would do – he called the police to report a stolen truck and missing child.

Behold the best 911 call transcripts EVER-

Dispatcher:  Were you in a business or something?

Crawford: No, I was at whatever this little strip club is.

Dispatcher: You left him in the truck to wait for you?

Crawford: He was sleeping.

Now for the best part – the truck wasn’t stolen, ol’ Donny was just too drunk to find it. The cops discovered his son in the unlocked truck watching cartoons with the keys in the ignition.

Like I said, maybe this is just a simple cultural misunderstanding. Maybe this is how they bond in that part of the country.

I’m still shaking my head!

Tig

It wasn’t even a week ago that we were all lighting candles and attending vigils for Jessica’s abducted pup Daisy.. (I’m still hopeful!)

But now Jessica wants sympathy for something else. The terrible conditions she has to suffer in Africa. The umm, singer (I guess) is in Africa filming her new reality show The Price Of Beauty, and so far she doesn’t seem to be having a great time. She took to Twitter to complain about having to sleep in a mosquito net -

“WTF?!? Do I really have to sleep like this?”

Ummm Jessica – Sweety, you don’t HAVE to. I’m sure malaria would look GREAT on you!

DUH – retard! Do you know how lucky you are to have the damn net?! Do you know how many family’s in Africa NEED a mosquito net!? If YOU want to provide a net for a family that needs one you can do so at Nothing But Nets!

Does this woman just not have a publicist!? Take away her Tweeting privileges already!

Check out the pathetic picture she posted with the Tweet.

*sigh*

Tig

One of these things just DON’T belong – can you tell which thing is not like the others?

It’s LIL “STUPID ASS” MAMA!

What the hell was she doin onstage last night at the VMA’s?! Did you see Jay-Z wave her off? She must have caught Kanye fever and let the inner famewhore break through!

I’m not exactly a rap “fan”, but I was actually really enjoying Jay-Z and Alicia Keys performance and then, out of no damn where, Lil Mama’s obnouxious ass hops on stage and starts “thuggin” it up in Jay-Z’s face.  Anything for a little free air time – even if it means ruining Jay-Z’s much awaited come back.

Douche!

*sigh*

Tig

Ok, maybe not. But she does think Hitler was “Brilliant”

For some unknown reason the Sean Hannity Show decided to ask Aubry O’day to come share her opinions on politics and other world topics. Apparently they were unaware that she is afflicted with the same diarrhea of the mouth as Megan Fox. Totally incapable of stopping herself from looking like an ass.

On Monday nights show she made some fairly curious remarks regarding Fidel Castro.

As someone who has met [Castro]… I met him and worked with him while I was in Cuba. I’m not defending his behavior, but in many instances, but I do have to say, I will 100% agree, he’s an incredibly brilliant man, he has outlived tons of our Presidents,”

When Sean Hannity asked her what the blue fuck she meant by that she went on to clarify – “I’m sure many murderers are brilliant people”

He then asked her how she felt about Hilter and she got all mushy about the Fuhrer and said ”

“I don’t condone Hitler one ounce, but yes, he was a brilliant man,” she said. “He ran a country and convinced everyone of horrible things.”

Hannity was left shaking his head and made a quick cut to the next segment.

This has quite a few members of the Jewish community up in arms – however, Aubry is standing by her comments and by letting us know she should be respected for being a ”a 25-year-old pop star liberal who had the courage to go on FOX News against three 60-year-old republicans and have an opinion.”

Ohhhh well in that case – you should be commended for being a moron and being willing to prove it on national television.

*cough-Dumbass-cough*

Tig

It looks like our favorite ‘Diva of Dope’ has decided it’s time to move.  

After the much discussed break in of her Los Angles home last week, Lindsay Lohan has decided to call it quits on her neighborhood. She has been shacked up at the Sunset Marquis in West Hollywood but it looks like she is in the market for something a little more permanent.
I’m sure that she is looking for a place with a few less cameras pointed at her door (so the next time she needs to steal her own stuff she won’t end up in grainy security stills all over the tabloids).  I already feel bad for the neighborhood she ends up in. There will be no shortage of paps that move in with her to cover the drama that can’t stop following her around!

Our only hope is that SamRo will move back to the UK (her apartment is back up for lease as well) and that Lindsay will hop in her Sevylor raft and follow her there!

Tig

Poor Jon, the media is messin with his fam again and he’s tired of the tabloids making popular topics out of his kids.

 I want to take this opportunity to commend Jon for taking the heat off his brood by making a boob of himself! It takes a pretty big man to make that kind of sacrifice!

Even at HIS party he can’t seem to catch a break! According to RadarOnline.Com throughout the pool party he hosted for Wet Republic he may have been collecting phone numbers, but he was also taking a few jabs from the crowd. From hecklers on the red carpet to jabs about his hair implants and weight gain once he was inside, the semi-father of 8 caught his fare share of shit in Vegas. Too bad for him, when your even slightly famous, not everything that happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.

And please don’t think I’m all “Team Kate”, cuz I’m not! I just think Jon does a GREAT job of taking the attention off his kids for a while!

Tig

Hey everyone, Bitty here and I just wanna say for the record how much I fuckin hate, and I mean HATE Elisabeth Hasselbeck. With a raging passion. She is pregnant right now. I hope she goes thru a super painful 5 day long delivery and that the baby is fussy as fuck…JUST LIKE HER!!!! Ok that’s all, ta-ta!

**UPDATE**

Apparently this pushy annoying bitch has had her baby. A boy at the beginning of August. Shows how much I care! HAAA! Just as long as she had some tearing, thats all I care about. Dang, that was evil. Oh well!

-Bittny

Bitty here! Did you know thousands of women have been demanding Kate’s high fashion hairstyle across the nation? Not so much. Kate the MILP (mom I’d like to punch) claimed that a month or so ago, but her stylist begged to differ, saying she hasn’t received one request for that hot mess of a haircut. Big surprise. This asshole lives in a mystical kingdom called Delusions of Grandeur! She is a world class bitch who degraded her husband every chance she got for millions of viewers to see. No wonder Jon has been out partying…that bish of a wife had his sack REMOVED! So what if he is out and about trying to grow them back with every mediocre eager 20 something he comes across? Just as long as Jon continues to be a good father, then I say go for it.

As for Kate, she recently went to Target, where she needed 4 fucking store employees to act as bodyguards when she left. BITCH! You are on reality TV, give me a break! You would think a REAL celebrity was leaving. Tsk tsk.