Seriously – those misshapen nipples are freaking me out!

Anyway – It looks like the Tiger bashing hasn’t quite fizzled out just yet. In a new article in Vanity Fair, we get a very uncensored view of the golf pro/man whore.

According to Buzz Bissinger, Tiger has always been a tool – he was just really good at hiding it for a while. A few clips from the article?! You’re going to love these -

“What I can’t figure out is why so many good-looking women hang around baseball and basketball. Is it because, you know, people always say that, like, black guys have big dicks?”

Love it right?! This one is even better! Bissinger tells Vanity Fair readers that Tiger had quite a way with the ladies, entertaining them with gems like -

He rubbed the tips of his shoes together and then asked the women, “What’s this?” Woods then replied. “It’s a black guy taking off his condom.”

BEAUTIFUL!

This article is a must read!

Tig

After years in the spotlight – and countless turns around the pole – Miley has had enough of the pop scene. Even though it’s been the tweens that finance her multi-million dollar bank roll, she is turning her back on them to pursue a more grown up image.

During an interview with Britain’s GMTV Miley let it spill that she is calling it quits on pop music. She’s decided to take a break (YAY) before coming out with something new and “edgy” (DAMN IT).

Here is her official statement -

“I kinda want this to be my last record for a little while and … take a break. In a few years, as I grow up, so will my fans – I’ll be able to have more of the sound of music that I’m into.”

I think it’s more likely that she is trying to avoid becoming obsolete by bowing out before the sales dry up.

Like I said – I’m looking forward to a break from her stripper pole stage shows and trashy “meet-the-queen” outfits (you have seen those pictures right?). But, unfortunately, it sounds like she has plans to return. Maybe we won’t hate her for being trashy when she is old enough to buy beer.

I doubt it..

Tig

Of course, I haven’t ever been one to feel that way – but we all know that some men out there do!

This could just be a cultural misunderstanding – We all know they do things a little different in Indiana. But I’m going to go ahead and shake my head at Donald Crawford anyway. It seems that he was SO compelled to take in some PBR and pole dancing that he decided to leave his 5-year-old son in the car while he did it.

How exactly do you think this went down? Did he leave the house planning on a trip to the titty bar? Or was he driving to the store to pick up a new Tonka truck for his boy when they passed a strip club and he was unable to resist the pull of steak and crabs?!

Anyway – after about 45 minutes of booze and boobs, Donald stepped outside and panicked when he couldn’t find his truck or his son. So, he did what any reasonable person would do – he called the police to report a stolen truck and missing child.

Behold the best 911 call transcripts EVER-

Dispatcher:  Were you in a business or something?

Crawford: No, I was at whatever this little strip club is.

Dispatcher: You left him in the truck to wait for you?

Crawford: He was sleeping.

Now for the best part – the truck wasn’t stolen, ol’ Donny was just too drunk to find it. The cops discovered his son in the unlocked truck watching cartoons with the keys in the ignition.

Like I said, maybe this is just a simple cultural misunderstanding. Maybe this is how they bond in that part of the country.

I’m still shaking my head!

Tig

I love this -- vintage stoner via Marilyn Monroe!

Of course, it’s not exactly obvious that what she is smoking is weed, but she is rocking a seriously dopey pot-head smile. I’m buyin it -- so there.

Besides -- it would make a lot of sense. I mean, she kinda was the Anna Nicole of her day. Flightly and loopy most of the time, a little loose and giggly was her norm.

Not to mention the yo-yo’ing weight thing.

So yeah -- vintage stoner via Marilyn Monroe!

Tig

Middle aged women all over the country are weeping today.

Alec Baldwin is saying good-bye to acting. He told Men’s Journal that he has lost his interest for acting and will call it quits in 2012.

He also told the mag that he isn’t exactly impressed with his career in Hollywood.

“The goal of moviemaking is to star in a film where your performance drives the film, and the film is either a soaring critical or commercial success, and I never had that.”

I think that BeetleJuice fans will disagree – but I spose he’s kinda right.

Regardless – I will STILL be getting a call from my mother about this story – full of “Why’s?!?!” and “I just don’t understand!”

Tig

We are pretty used to drama in Hollywood – most famous families have their fair share of turmoil, but the Hasselhoffs are quickly becoming Hollywood’s most effed up family EVER!

Within less than 48 hours BOTH David and his ex wife Pamela made headlines with their latest drunken antics.

David found himself in the hospital and under psychiatric surveillance after a collapse over the weekend, while Pamela decided to take a drunk spin around the city before being pulled over and arrested for drunk driving.

This entire family needs detox!

David Hasselhoff is denying that he is in ailing health or back on the sauce. He also claims that he was never under any type of surveillance.

Pamela, however, has already apologized and blames the stressful divorce for her bad choices.

Seriously – we just need to drop this family off on an island in the pacific so they can drink and fight and make-up and drink.

Keeping up with the Hoff’s dramas has exhausted me!

Tig

The Thanksgiving weekend is stressful for most families, but Tiger Woods’ wild family fiasco landed him in the tabloids. We aren’t exactly sure what happened yet. And, to be quite honest, we might never know everything. But it sounds like either way it was a wild weekend for the golf pro and his model wifey.

Tiger claims he was just leaving the house for a quick spin (at 2:30am) when he became distracted and hit a fire hydrant and a tree. He then lost consciousness when his wife came to the rescue, breaking windows with a golf club to free her man from the wreckage.

Of course, there is another version -

According to TMZ, Tiger called a buddy and told him that Elin found out he was dippin his clubs in another woman’s water hazard and went a little postal. He told his pal that Elin attacked him and clawed his face before he hoped in the car and she chased him down. Tiger then told his friend that she chased him down, struck the car with the club, smashed the windows and distracted him, causing the accident.

So far, Tiger and his wife have denied the Florida Highway Patrol an informational interview 3 times. So the FHP is seeking a warrant for the power to investigate further. It sounds like the cops want to know if this was a domestic violence case about as bad as we do!

And let’s be honest - Elin totally looks like the kind of chick that would flip with the quickness to “white trash” mode upon finding out her bank account/husband was sneaking around. 

We’ll just have to wait and see!

Tig

Not that Alex needs much help. With the cro magnon forehead and all the fake tanner – he does a pretty good job of it himself.

But Katie Price felt like lending him a hand by dumping him as she made her way out of the jungle earlier this week. Katie had been participating in Britain’s ”I’m a Celebrity – Get Me Out Of Here” when she decided to leave the show after being forced into elimination trials for the 6th time. But before she made her big announcement to the show, she made another announcement in her hotel room.

Even though Alex had flown in from Australia to reportedly propose to the model, she beckoned him to her hotel room to break his heart instead. She let him know that she is tired of him making cash off of her name and accused him of being a glory hound. Katie says -

“I have done a lot of reflection in the jungle. I realised it was best if I’m on my own. I don’t want a relationship.”

Um, yeah – like Katie Price has any right to dump a guy for trying to create celebrity out of nothing.

Anyway – friends are saying that Alex is crushed and he has already released a couple comments swearing his love was for Katie and not the bank accounts!

I think I would have more respect for the cross dresser if he just admitted he wanted the dollars!

We can only hope this won’t mean the end of public appearances from Alex’s alter ego Roxanne – cuz that bitch is HOT!

Tig

I don’t know why, but I thought this picture was beyond appropriate for this story.

Pam Anderson’s sons are 11 and 12-years-old now, so of course she figured this was a good time to break the sex tape news to them. Because, ya know – better to hear your mom is a cheap video whore from her than anywhere else! And since the tape is mentioned in Borat she was pretty sure they would hear about it.

“I knew kids were going to watch the film and there was a reference to the tape in the movie and they’re that age and, you know, people are going to start saying things,” Anderson said. “I just said, ‘Look, Mommy and Daddy were massively in love, we videotaped everything, everything was videotaped, and you’re probably going hear about something at school.’”

First of all - I doubt having sex with their father is the worst thing Pam is going to have to explain to her kids.  But is it really wise to let your kids think that’s what married couples do?! These boys will never be able to sit through a wedding without a serious case of immature giggles.

But my bigger issue is the fact that she was pretty sure the boys would find out after watching Borat. Why would she care about her kids finding out about a sex tape if she doesn’t care about her 11 and 12-year-old watching movies like Borat?!?!

She really is Mother Of The Year!

This just proves that Child Protective Services fails on a fairly regular basis.

Tig

This is my apology for the extra long weekend!!

You’re welcome!

During last night’s Chicago/Philly game, poor little (well, not-so-little really) Devin Hester was relieved of his pants by Philadelphia Eagle Dimitri Patterson.

I think it’s only fair, after years of putting up with those vapid cheerleaders, we girls finally get some booty!

Go Eagles!

Tig